If you were to list all of your pain, which one would make the top of that list? Why do we constantly try to fill the voids? Why is there a void at all?
Personally, I have wasted, yes I said wasted, so much of myself, my time…my life on trying to figure out the “Whys”. I no longer want to wonder. I simply want to live. Live that life that God so desires for me. What is that life? I can’t even begin to describe it, because I have NO clue. However, I can trust that He wants me to lead a life full of joy. The life that I have made for myself has always fallen short. I can’t even come close to imagining where to start if left to do this on my own. If only, I could get to the point where I understood. There’s a lot of confusion in learning something so awesome. I mean, my mind just reels at the thought of so very much that I just don’t get yet. My tendency would be to get frustrated with myself and maybe even depressed because of the lack of strength I’d have to get through “life” in general.
I tend to constantly point the finger at the one starring back at me from the mirror. Until I finally realized, it just dawned on me, that I don’t need to make it about “who’s fault it is or who’s causing this”. It’s all about choices. So, I had to stop and see the “choices” I had made. Apparently, I had chosen to wallow in the dark. When a problem or situation seems so very horrific, it’s so painful that eventually it becomes numb, I have something inside telling me to do just one more thing. What is that thing? I have no clue, but I know there’s something that needs to be done. I can try all kinds of things and do, but I always fall short. I may correct the situation for a while, but it’s never a lifetime thing. I get a few good months if that. I convince myself that everything is so much better and that I made the right choice this time. It’s going to be all right now. Then what happens? That pit never starts off like a pit. It’s more like a pot hole, a bump in the road. So, I ignore it because we all have bad days and as far as relationships go you’re liable to have some rough ones along the way. It’s a fact we are all well aware of. However, when the pot hole starts to crack at the edges the hole gets bigger. Therefore, the bump in the road is also bigger. If left unattended, that pot hole will soon take over the entire road, due to the cracks that then vein out to affect other parts of that road. Now, tell me…wouldn’t it have been better if the pot hole was fixed at the first sight of it? Sure, traffic would have been affected and perhaps even re-routed but in the end the road would have been re-opened and traveling down that road would now be smooth and pleasurable.
There is no problem, however little it may seem, that should go unattended. Otherwise you might find yourself fighting for your life. Or at least the very thing you thought you’d never lose. The only constant is Him.
Life has a funny way of doing that. I don’t want to be a spectator…I certainly am not enjoying the view during those rough moments. So, what now? To become proactive is not a complete resolution. I would say that a better approach is surrender. I feel a need to surrender to what He wants. He won’t force me to seek Him. He won’t guilt me into it. He just waits…The vastness of His love is incomprehensible. Yet it’s the most pure love that anyone could ever hope to be enveloped in. I want that. I want to be swaddled, cradled and loved on by Him. Only then will I have true happiness. I can’t keep focusing on what others do or how that affects me. It’s all so trivial when we compare it to the simplicity of His love. Why complicate something so beautifully simple. Being human is…complicated, but we only have ourselves to blame. But it’s not about pointing fingers, it’s about freeing oneself from the false idea that we are in control. We don’t control our lives, our circumstances do. When we choose to give in to an idea, thought or plan, what do we base it on? On what works for “me”. It’s all very subjective. We begin that slippery slope of self absorption and miss out. On what? Well, because of our choices, we might never know.
My challenge for you today…Let go and let God!